Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Depression Awareness Mani

 

Today I have a mani that is very special to me. As many of you know, October is Depression Awareness month. I thought I would try and convey a bit of my struggle with depression through my mani. But why then is the mani above black when green is the color for Depression Awareness?

Let me explain.


I created this scrapbook page a few years ago to describe myself. This is one of the times that I was my truest (does that make sense). Just in case you can't read it:
Sometimes it feels that I might lose myself in the fog. That the depression has won. But then ever so small I see the real me that is hiding in the fog. I scrape away at the fog, moving it and brushing it aside. There in the middle of the darkest part I find myself. I am not alone. I can get through this. I know I can. I have done it before. Depression isn't what defines me.
What defines me is how well I rise after falling. I get through it and become a better person. A truer meaning of myself.


So this dark, black mani is the fog that is depression. It comes and goes in waves, never fully leaving me. Never fully letting me be whole since I was around 16. I suffered sometimes in silence and other times in crippling pain for all to hear. But I have always gotten through it. I will always get through it.


This is me scraping and brushing away at the fog to show the truer me underneath it. Some days are better than others. Some days are great, some are a personal hell that you would never wish on anyone. And some days, life throws you something new and adds on severe anxiety....gee, thanks life, like I really needed that. But always and forever, I will get through it.


My true self is reveled. I am not just one thing. I am multiple experiences combined together to create what I am meant to be in this world. This is my true self. I sparkle and shine through the thickening fog that surrounds me.

In a weird flip of irony, I am (though not always) content with my depression. Does this sound odd or weird to you? Let me explain. My depression has made me who I am today. I am strong because of it. I have learned so much about myself and others because of it.

Though my depression doesn't define me, it has help create and mold who I am today. It is how well I rise after falling (thank you Maid in Manhattan for the quote) that helps me to stand tall and proud and say....yes I have depression. No, I can't just snap out of it, could someone with diabetes just snap out of it? No. Depression is a real disease with real symptoms.

I myself suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and a form of anxiety (I say a form because we are still not sure what it is. Surprise says life, let's add on something new to deal with! *Awesome*). Seasonal Affective Disorder is characterized by the onset of depression during the winter months, when there is less natural sunlight. The depression generally lifts during spring and summer. SAD may be effectively treated with light therapy, but nearly half of those with SAD do not get better with light therapy alone. Antidepressant medication and psychotherapy can reduce SAD symptoms, either alone or in combination with light therapy.

I am sorry for my ramblings on. But I really felt like I should speak up during this month. Please, if you or anyone you know are going through this, don't give up. Giving up is never the answer. Find someone to talk to, get help. It's alright to ask for help, I promise.


Just another photo so I could tell you the polishes used. I started with China Glaze Westside Warrior. Then I layered on Cult Nails Hypnotize Me and Once Upon a Polish The Beanstalk. I then covered it all with Finger Paints Black Expressionism. I used the grunge nail affect where you take off layers of polish using a paint brush and acetone.

Don't forget to check out these other amazing manis created for Depression Awareness:

14 comments:

  1. You're right, this is similar in a lot of way to the one I did, both playing with glitter as the 'positive' and the other polishes obscuring it. I like yours better because it has an emphasis on coming out of it, and on how the polish that was there before adds to the final beauty of it. :)

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    1. Glitter is always a positive! :) Thank you!

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  2. Girl, I am so proud of you for speaking out about such a personal struggle. I have struggled with depression as well that went along with my eating disorder. Though it's mostly under control, I still struggle with anxiety. I think your manicure is so beautiful and was such a great representation of how the "real you" is always there, even when it seems like depression has completely covered you. I hope that you are finding relief from your depression. Keep smiling! Love and hugs XOXO

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    1. Thank you so much! I really love this community and how much we all have in common and the support we give each other. :)

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  3. This is so artistic and moving. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You've inspired me to share my own story with nails to illustrate. :]

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    1. Thank you! I can't wait to see what you do for yours!

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  4. This made me cry!! Thank you for being so strong! I deal with depression and anxiety and now I am going to get to work on my own depression awareness mani, to remind myself that I am strong too and that I won't give up. I hate when people blow depression off, or think that we can just 'snap out of it' like you said, so kudos to you for speaking up. And beautiful nails!

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    1. Thank you so much! That is my biggest pet peeve. You can't just snap out of it, no matter how many people tell you to. I can't wait to see what you do!

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  5. Wow, very moving. Thank you for sharing your story. I love how you used polish to represent your struggle with depression. Beautiful!!!

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  6. This really made me cry cause I do in a way know what you are going through... depression has come and gone from me since 2007.. its slowly getting better.. I hope
    I really love this manicure.. it shows how strong you really are
    I wish you all the best sweetie
    hugs

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    1. Thank you so much. Things do get better, I promise, even if it's only a day, they always get better. And you need to hold onto those good days and remember them so that they can help lift you when times are bad.

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  7. sweetheart, so sorry I somehow missed this when you posted it. I absolutely love this. The words are just ... wow, and the mani is soooo soooo perfect. This really is awesome, and i love that you have focussed on strength. Love always, your twin ;) xx

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    1. Thank you so much for your support and love! :)

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