Today I have a mani that is very special to me. As many of you know, October is Depression Awareness month. I thought I would try and convey a bit of my struggle with depression through my mani. But why then is the mani above black when green is the color for Depression Awareness?
Let me explain.
I created this scrapbook page a few years ago to describe myself. This is one of the times that I was my truest (does that make sense). Just in case you can't read it:
Sometimes it feels that I might lose myself in the fog. That the depression has won. But then ever so small I see the real me that is hiding in the fog. I scrape away at the fog, moving it and brushing it aside. There in the middle of the darkest part I find myself. I am not alone. I can get through this. I know I can. I have done it before. Depression isn't what defines me.
What defines me is how well I rise after falling. I get through it and become a better person. A truer meaning of myself.
So this dark, black mani is the fog that is depression. It comes and goes in waves, never fully leaving me. Never fully letting me be whole since I was around 16. I suffered sometimes in silence and other times in crippling pain for all to hear. But I have always gotten through it. I will always get through it.
This is me scraping and brushing away at the fog to show the truer me underneath it. Some days are better than others. Some days are great, some are a personal hell that you would never wish on anyone. And some days, life throws you something new and adds on severe anxiety....gee, thanks life, like I really needed that. But always and forever, I will get through it.
My true self is reveled. I am not just one thing. I am multiple experiences combined together to create what I am meant to be in this world. This is my true self. I sparkle and shine through the thickening fog that surrounds me.
In a weird flip of irony, I am (though not always) content with my depression. Does this sound odd or weird to you? Let me explain. My depression has made me who I am today. I am strong because of it. I have learned so much about myself and others because of it.
Though my depression doesn't define me, it has help create and mold who I am today. It is how well I rise after falling (thank you Maid in Manhattan for the quote) that helps me to stand tall and proud and say....yes I have depression. No, I can't just snap out of it, could someone with diabetes just snap out of it? No. Depression is a real disease with real symptoms.
I myself suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and a form of anxiety (I say a form because we are still not sure what it is. Surprise says life, let's add on something new to deal with! *Awesome*). Seasonal Affective Disorder is characterized by the onset of depression during the winter months, when there is less natural sunlight. The depression generally lifts during spring and summer. SAD may be effectively treated with light therapy, but nearly half of those with SAD do not get better with light therapy alone. Antidepressant medication and psychotherapy can reduce SAD symptoms, either alone or in combination with light therapy.
I am sorry for my ramblings on. But I really felt like I should speak up during this month. Please, if you or anyone you know are going through this, don't give up. Giving up is never the answer. Find someone to talk to, get help. It's alright to ask for help, I promise.
Just another photo so I could tell you the polishes used. I started with China Glaze Westside Warrior. Then I layered on Cult Nails Hypnotize Me and Once Upon a Polish The Beanstalk. I then covered it all with Finger Paints Black Expressionism. I used the grunge nail affect where you take off layers of polish using a paint brush and acetone.
Don't forget to check out these other amazing manis created for Depression Awareness: